Country Love
by irrationallyinclined
Summary: Beca has been struggling with something dangerous. When Chloe finds out, she takes her home to the Beahls' for the summer. Chloe hopes that their surroundings will help her heal, but Chloe goes home to struggles of her own. How will their situations effect them and their feelings for each other? Deals with drugs, illness, and varying degrees of spirituality/religion.
1. The Codeine Scene

Disclaimer: I do not own Pitch perfect. However, I do claim the plot and a few original characters.

Backstory: Beca and Chloe have been good friends since they both met in their freshman year at Barden. Chloe has been aware of her feelings for Beca but hasn't acted on them in anything more than a joking/flirtatious way. The story starts at the end of their sophomore year.

A/N: The story starts off dark but will be a little more lighthearted at some points during the story. I very much intend for this to be a realistic portrayal of life in general. It is not all roses, it is not all thorns. Most importantly, it is not all black and white. I'll be touching upon a lot of grey area issues. Especially concerning religion and spirituality. The relationship will start off rather slowly, but for good reason. Sorry for any punctuation errors. lol. I suck at punctuation. Thank you for taking the time to check this out. I hope you enjoy it! Please review! :)

* * *

Chloe couldn't remember when Beca's behavior began to change, and it was beginning to eat at her. How long had this been going on? Just how blind had she been to not see that Beca was in need? The lump in her throat was growing bigger, and the tears finally began to fall.

Her chest was heaving in desperation. She did not want to feel this guilt. More importantly she didn't want to feel this pain for her best friend. What could have pushed Beca this far? How much had she been hurting?

She couldn't get the image of Beca out of her head. She kept replaying the events of the last half hour over and over again. She hoped the images would change, but they never did.

 _Chloe stepped up onto the stairs at the Bella House and tried to catch her breath. Her lungs were burning and the smell of ammonia filled her nose. As disgusting as the smell was, it reminded her of just how hard she had pushed herself. She stretched her arms above her head then wiped the sweat from her face. She couldn't wait to run another marathon._

 _As she made her way into the house and up the stairs, she noticed that it was much more quiet than usual. None of the girls were downstairs and the house seemed to be empty._

 _Then she heard Beca's voice carry itself to her._

 _ **"I watch the work of my kin bold and boyful**_

 _ **Toying somewhere between love and abuse**_

 _ **Calling to join them the wretched and joyful**_

 _ **Shaking the wings of their terrible youths"**_

 _Chloe loved the song, and there was something in Beca's voice that creeped up her spine and left her curious. She climbed the stairs carefully as to not alert the other girl to her presence. The closer she got to Beca's door, the more curious she became._

 _ **"Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh I**_

 _ **Lay my heart down with the rest at her feet**_

 _ **Fresh from the fields, all fetor and fertile**_

 _ **Bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet"**_

 _Now, right against the bedroom door, Chloe could practically feel the vibrations from the sound running along her skin. It threatened to carry her away. Beca had a way of making her nervous. She gently grasped the door knob and turned it as slowly as possible until she knew she could open the door without a sound. She paused for a moment when she realized the singing had stopped. She instantly changed her mind and decided to scare the shit out of Beca._

 _As the door hit the wall from Chloe throwing it open, Beca jumped and shrieked. When Chloe's smiling eyes landed on the brunette's lap, her entire world stopped. She couldn't move. She couldn't speak. And she couldn't tear her eyes away from the grisly scene in front of her._

 _The girl who helped her build the Bellas and who held her when she cried over failed exams. The person who sometimes made her breakfast in bed and whose sarcasm made her smile. Her best friend. Beca Mitchell... with a syringe in one hand and a belt wrapped around the opposite forearm._

 _Everything was completely still in a very heavy way. Beca stared on in shock and unable to move. Chloe couldn't lift her eyes from the syringe. After a few moments, Beca threw the syringe down and screamed, "Get out!" The red head immediately looked up while her mouth opened and closed several times._

 _"Now!" Beca screamed again. Chloe nearly fell over herself clamoring to get away from the door and into her own room._

Chloe sat on her bed with her face in her hands as her heart tried to recover from the emotional whiplash. It had only been a matter of minutes since she'd walked in on Beca, and she was struggling to contain herself. She felt so lost and so unsure of who her friend even was. They'd been close, hadn't they? She was so disappointed in herself. She'd spent so much time romanticizing Beca that she hadn't seen anything that mattered. She briefly wondered if this was the reason that Beca never responded to her few subtle advances. She quickly chided herself upon realizing it wasn't the time to indulge her hopeful nature.

"Hey, Chlo." A quiet call of her name brought her back to the situation. Beca was still in her room from the sound of it. It made Chloe's skin crawl to think of going back in there. "Chloe, please." The desperation in the other girl's voice caused her to respond with very little thought. She was back in that doorway in just a matter of seconds.

Everything was still in the same place. Beca was still in the same chair. The syringe was still on the floor. And Chloe's heart was still in the bottom of her stomach.

There were tears running down Beca's face and she was shaking uncontrollably. Her voice was desperate and simultaneously authoritative as she spoke, "I'm... I'm going to ask you to do something. And you can say no. I-I won't be upset. But I don't trust myself to move right now." Her shoulders sank and her lips began to quiver. "The..." She glanced down at the syringe but was clearly having trouble finding a word for it. "The thing I threw on the ground. Could you just pick it up and get rid of it? Like, shoot the liquid into the sink or something? And throw it away?" She looked up to Chloe pleadingly.

She immediately picked up the syringe. Being careful to not touch the needle, she used the floor to bend it against the plastic so that it wouldn't be usable. Chloe kept it in her hand as she prepared herself for what she was about to do. "What else is here?"

Beca opened her mouth to speak but the redhead quickly cut her off, "And before you lie to me, please know that I'm not stupid. Everything you have. Tell me where it is. Now."

After a while of Beca insisting there was nothing else drug related in the room, Chloe took it upon herself to rummage through her friends things. Beca stayed still for the most part, but there was a gentle protest here and there. Mostly, she just kept quiet. As soon as Chloe approached the book case, Beca shot up and ran to her.

"Chloe, there's nothing here. Please. " The look in her eyes told Chloe that she was most definitely lying. She kept her eyes on Beca as she reached for different books. When her hand fell on the dictionary, the brunette tensed. The spine had separated from the leather backing. She noticed the small baggie with powder as soon as she opened the book and looked down the length of the spine.

"God, dammit!" Beca stomped her foot in frustration and put her hands into her hair and pulled. Her emotions were rising. She was frantic.

Chloe was prepared for what she knew was about to happen, but it didn't make it any easier when Beca tried to snatch the baggy away from her. Beca tried to pry it out of her hands. They ended up falling to the floor with Beca on top and Chloe face down. She kept her hands around the syringe and the baggy and locked her arms tightly between her chest and the floor. Beca continued to pull at her arms.

The enormity of the situation hit her like a ton of bricks. Beca was so desperate. When had this started? Why had no one noticed? Her heart was breaking and she began to cry again.

Beca stopped pulling at her arms as soon as she noticed the body beneath her begin to shake. She was taken over by an enormous sense of shame and rolled off of Chloe and began to sob beside her. Although the redhead was still crying, she quickly stood and took her opportunity to dispose of the drugs.

She made her way to the bathroom and flushed what she had in her hand. Being thankful that the water carried away the syringe as well. Beca was still crying. In a way, Chloe was relieved. It meant that there probably wasn't anything left.

She took a deep and knowing breath. It also meant that Beca would most likely be in a great deal of pain soon.


	2. Break On Me

The song is Break on Me by Keith Urban

Enjoy:) Please review.

* * *

Chloe stood at the end of Beca's bed as she slept. Her skin still crawling with the remnants of an adrenaline rush. She was trying to reconcile the peaceful beauty before her with the girl who'd been frantically grasping for a bag of drugs a few hours before.

Repeatedly, she looked down at the phone in her hand. She couldn't believe she was about to do this. She knew that it wasn't a good time to spring something like this on her family. She also knew that she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she didn't. She took a breath as steadily as she could manage and she pressed send. _What a day_ , she thought.

The deep twangy voice that answered brought a brilliant smile to her face. "Beahl Taxidermy. You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em. How may I help you today?"

Chloe couldn't help the hearty laugh that forced it's way from her lungs. The taxidermy bit was a new one. "Hey, Papaw! It's Chloe! How are you feeling today?"

She could hear the smile in his voice. "Well, by golly! Hey, Love! I'm doing just fine. It's your mother you oughta worry 'bout. She's always fussin' over me." He sighed heavily in an effort to suppress a cough. "Is everything alright? I thought you were heading home." The frustration that mixed in with his words reminded Chloe of why this wasn't a good time. But what else could she do? There was no way she was going to let Beca stay in Atlanta all summer without support. Living in her dad's house without any company or, more importantly, supervision was clearly the last thing the girl needed.

"Of course, Papaw. You know how it is trying to get ready for a trip like this. Just got held up is all. Is Granny around?" She was shifting from foot to foot as her anxiety levels rose.

"Hey, Sweetheart! Ya got a phone call!" She heard shuffling noises as the phone was handed off. A soft and concerned female voice appeared, "Hey, Love. Everything alright?"

"Um. Well... Sort of, Granny. I'm okay. I just have a bit of a situation going on. Not really concerning me, but a friend of mine. You remember that friend I told you about? Beca?" Chloe wasn't even sure why she asked. Of course her grandmother knew who Beca was. She rattled on about her to the woman every chance she got.

She chuckled. "Of course I do! Now, what's the matter?"

"Well, you see... Beca is in a bit of trouble. She... um... She has a bit of a drug problem, I think." Chloe felt terrible talking about Beca while she was sleeping. She left the room and returned to her own to be sure the brunette wouldn't hear her. She gave the woman a play-by-play of what happened earlier in the day and waited.

There was a long silence before her grandmother, Lynette, finally spoke. "To the point, Love." She spoke bluntly.

Chloe clucked, "You know how I like to beat around the bush. And I just feel so horrible about asking this. I know it isn't a good time, but do you think she could stay at the house with me this summer? She doesn't really have any other support. I don't want to leave her." There was another long silence. Chloe knew that her grandmother wasn't taking the decision lightly.

Chloe's entire body heaved with relief when Lynette finally spoke. "Well, I tell you what. Your mother knows more about these things than I do. And if you trust the girl enough to share a room with her, I suppose she can't be too awfully bad. I'll let your mother decide. If she thinks it's a good idea, I'll go for it. Besides, I think it'll do you well."

She threw her fist in the air. "Thank you! Thank you so much, Granny. Is Mom around?"

"Yeah. She's fighting with your papaw about wearing his oxygen. I'll go trade her places." The exhaustion in her voice made Chloe wonder if it was worse than they'd been telling her.

Chloe could hear her papaw yelling at her mother in the background. "I feel like I'm in a prison! Y'all won't let me do shit." It made her heart drop. _Fuck_ , she thought. _It is worse._

She heard some faint shuffling before her mother got on the phone. Her voice was more clinical than usual. It was something her mother did when she was trying to keep her emotions at bay. "Well, I've been debriefed, but I have some questions. You ready?"

"Yeah. Shoot. Although, there might be some questions I can't answer, and she's asleep." Chloe's pacing sped up.

"Alrighty then. Let's see." Her mother hummed for a minute or so before continuing. "Drug of choice?"

Chloe chided herself for not asking Beca what was in the baggie before she'd let her go to sleep. "Fuck. I'm not positive, but it's powder. Pretty sure it isn't pills."

"Alright. That's a start. What about her behavior? You're around her pretty regularly. " It was then that Chloe caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She knew her mother wasn't asking why she hadn't noticed that Beca had a problem, but she couldn't help but hear it that way.

She looked into her own eyes as she spoke. "Well. I know it isn't a downer. She's far too busy and I've never seen her nod out. But, obviously, I don't really know for sure. I haven't asked her. I walked in on her a few hours ago. She was about to shoot up." Her stomach was turning.

"Oh, dear. You know as well as I do that needles are never a good sign. How bad are her track marks?" She wrinkled her nose in thought. Chloe realized she'd never noticed anything suspicious on Beca. Not even a strange bruise or bug bites. And Beca didn't exactly make a habit of wearing long sleeves. She realized she had no idea and it gave her a little hope. After all, if there was anything Chloe paid close attention to, it was Beca's exposed skin.

"Hold on, let me go check." She quietly scrambled back into the other girl's room and started examining every patch of uncovered skin. She found a few small marks on Beca's wrist, and quickly exited the room again when she didn't find evidence of more. "I saw a few marks on her wrist, but it doesn't look bad. I don't think she's been doing this long. Unless, she was doing it somewhere I can't see."

"Well, I doubt that. Most people go for the arms and just cover up. It's easier. So, if there aren't many marks then she hasn't been using the needle very long. Which is good. Not that any of it matters that much at the moment. You care about her, and that's enough for me. You should probably head this way though. If she's been shooting up, I'm sure she's been using other methods for quite some time. She'll be going through withdrawals, and you'll wanna have her here when that starts. Especially because I'll need to keep an eye on her vitals. If it starts before you get here, give her something to help her sleep. And, if she smokes, let her smoke as much as she wants. You don't want a frantic passenger for a six hour drive." Chloe listened intently and did her best to take everything in. There was so much to do. She would have to wake Beca up soon.

"Okay. Okay. Thank you, Mama. Seriously, I really appreciate this. I really think it will help her." She sighed, "I'm so worried about her. I didn't know what else to do."

"It'll be okay, Chloe. Just try not to worry too much. Now, get ready. Call me when you're on the way. I love you, but I have to go." Her mother hung up without giving her time to reply.

She looked around her room in search of anything she may have forgotten. Most of her things had already been boxed up, but there were a few things here and there. She packed what was left and got out clothes to change into after her shower.

When she stepped out of the shower she stood in front of the full length mirror. She couldn't stop staring at herself. She felt like something was missing. Like something about her own body was out of place. She almost always felt that way. She shrugged away the feeling and started getting dressed. Remembering that road trip attire should always be about comfort, she'd decided on a baggy pair of black joggers and a gray tank top.

Once she'd gathered herself, she stepped back into Beca's bedroom.

 _Here we go._ "Hey, Beca." The girl didn't flinch.

"Beca. Wake up. We need to get ready." Chloe stepped closer and shook her gently.

Still nothing.

Chloe smirked as an idea struck her. It was freezing in the house and Beca was lying on her back with no blanket on. Chloe leaned over her and shook her wet hair until she heard a gasp.

"OhMYGOD!" Beca shot up out of bed and glared at the redhead. "Chlo. What in the fuck was that?"

Chloe smiled. "Well. You weren't waking up, and I'm not exactly known for my patience. We need to talk."

Beca's gaze softened as the rest of her tensed. "I'm not ready to talk about what happened yet. I'm just not. I'm sorry. I know you're worried and that you have questions, but I can't handle it right now." She looked down and started playing with her fingers.

"Hun. We'll need to talk about it eventually... But that doesn't really matter right now. Right now..." She trailed off. _How do I even word this?_

Apparently she'd been silent for a while. "Um, Chlo..." The brunette looked at her questioningly.

"Oh, right. Sorry." She took a deep breath and licked her lips. "So. I was thinking. Considering.. Um... recent events. Well. I know you don't really have a whole lot of... family. And I don't feel right about leaving you here. Especially considering your Dad will be gone for the most part. You just... You need people. And I just thought maybe you'd like to be somewhere you'll... have people. And, I mean. I have people." She flinched at her own awkwardness.

Beca chuckled. "So, what? I've never had 'people'. Not really. I understand that you're worried, but it just isn't your place to take care of me." Chloe was surprised to say the least. The words stung as much as they pissed her off.

"It's not my place to take care of you? Are you serious?" She couldn't help the tears that threatened to spill or the way her voice started to crack with emotion. She stepped toe to toe with Beca. "It has been my place to take care of you since the moment you walked into the quad and took a flyer from my hand. It has been my place since I discovered that you existed. And with every moment we shared together after that, it became more my place. Your well being is my responsibility because I care about you. And because you care about me. And frankly, I need you around. If you're not hurting me, there is no reason why I shouldn't help you at a time like this. And I am obligated to you to try. You are my very best friend, Beca Mitchell. There have been days since I've met you when the only reason I got out of bed was to knock on your door." A few tears spilled down her cheeks as she tried to reign in her emotions.

She cleared her throat before continuing. "Just please. If you're not ready to do this for yourself yet, do it for me until you are. Because I can't imagine how it will feel to have one of those days again and you not be around. Just please...let me help you." She looked at Beca pleadingly.

After a few moments of Beca not knowing what to say, she pulled the other girl into her arms and held her there. As she felt Chloe's grip tighten, she felt a weight lift itself from her shoulders. For the first time since she realized she was addicted to meth, she didn't feel alone.

Chloe could feel the tears on her shoulder. As much as it hurt to know Beca was in pain, those tears gave her hope. Maybe she'd gotten through to her on some level. Maybe Beca would be okay.

Beca's voice startled her. "Is the grass really blue?"

Chloe laughed and kissed her on the cheek as she pulled away. "I guess you'll just have to see."

* * *

They'd been driving for a little over an hour when Beca started to get antsy. She couldn't stop moving. Her muscles felt tense and being in a confined space with Chloe was starting to make her feel like she couldn't breathe. It wasn't that she didn't love to be around her, but since the girl walked in on her it was different. She couldn't shake that sense of shame. The look on Chloe's face when she found her with that syringe in her hand made her soul ache. She couldn't imagine how much it would have hurt her to see Chloe in the same position.

Suddenly she was feeling very cold. Goose bumps covered her skin. She quickly turned the vents away from her.

"Are you cold? Do you want me to turn the a/c off?"

Beca startled, "No. No. It's fine. I just uh... I don't know. I'll probably be hot again here soon." She didn't know how to be direct about what was happening. It was one thing for the girl to know she had a drug problem. But, in Beca's mind, it was something completely different for Chloe to know she was physically dependent on it.

"You're starting to go through withdrawal aren't you?" Chloe inquired.

Beca sighed heavily. _At least now I don't have to actually say It._ "Unfortunately"

The next question left Beca surprised. "When was the last time you used? If you don't mind me asking of course." The redhead kept her eyes on the road. It left Beca wondering if she'd have asked her if they'd been face to face at the time.

Beca wanted to lie. But where did that leave them? Where did that leave her if she was already lying?The thought of further complicating things left her exhausted. So, she chose the truth. "This morning around 4 A.M. Right before you left to go to your race. It wasn't much."

The way that Chloe's entire self deflated was hard to miss. And when she cleared her throat, Beca knew that she was trying to not tear up.

Before Chloe left for her race, she tried to wake Beca up. Who'd faked being sleep so she didn't have to go like she'd promised she would.

"I'm really sorry. I just knew that I wouldn't be able to sit out in that heat and I had so much to do as far as packing..." She trailed off and listed off at least a dozen excuses.

"Just stop. I don't really want to think about this right now. Okay? I'm not trying to be hateful, I just don't think this is a good idea. I'm driving. I don't want to be any more distracted than I have to be." Beca could see her knuckles turn white as she gripped the wheel a little tighter.

Without another word, Beca leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes. Hoping she'd wake up at their destination.

It was two hours later when Beca woke up dripping sweat and shaking like a leaf. She could barely think. She sat up straight and looked around the car for her water bottle. Her mouth was so dry that her throat was sticking to itself when she swallowed.

"Hey there. How are you feeling?" Chloe's voice was gentle and full of concern.

"I feel like shit. I've basically lost every ounce of fluid in my body. My clothes are soaked. My fucking entire body hurts and I am really... " She gritted her teeth. "Really fucking close to screaming at the top of my lungs if I don't get out of this car for a few minutes. " Beca finally found her water bottle and chugged it so fast that she choked a little. She could feel everything. Her mind and body were completely overwhelmed. She fucking hated this part.

Chloe pulled off at the next exit and into a truck stop parking lot. "You're gonna be okay. I promise. Look. We're stopped." When she noticed that Beca wasn't moving she to get out, she ran around to her door. She opened it and was startled by the look on the girl's face as she stepped out onto the asphalt.

It was a look of complete terror and misery. "What if I die, Chlo? What if my body can't handle it? What If I have a seizure and it causes brain damage? What if this kills me?" Chloe felt her heart shatter at the brunette's words.

"You'll be fine. I promise. I am here." She put her palm against the clammy cheek in front of her. If it had been anyone else, she most definitely would've gagged.

"Thank you." Beca's gaze was unrelenting.

"For what?"

"For caring about me more than I do."

In that moment, Chloe felt her heart grow. She was now painfully aware of just how far she would go to be sure Beca was okay. She smiled and lowered her hand to the other girl's shoulder. She couldn't help the mild look of disgust that made it to her face.

Beca groaned. "I told you my clothes were soaked."

Once they'd both gathered themselves, they walked inside. Beca was relieved to see that they had showers. After a brief protest Chloe agreed to let her shower. Even though they were only two hours away.

"Okay, I'll be in the car." Chloe turned away and towards the main entrance but Beca's hand on her arm stopped her in her tracks.

"Please stay. The shower rooms are huge. And..." Beca looked down. "I'm kind of afraid to be alone right now."

Chloe smiled and shook her head. "You, me, and showers. I swear." They both laughed.

Once inside the private shower room, Chloe turned so that the other girl could undress. She kept her face towards the door until she heard the curtain close.

"Sing something for me."

"What?"

"You heard me, Chlo. You used to sing for me all the time." Both of their hearts were doing somersaults in their chest as she turned the water on. "Something just for me. Like old times."

They both smiled at the memories of when they used to sing to each other. A lot of the songs being not-so-subtle professions of love from Chloe to Beca.

She knew just what to sing.

 **There'll be days your heart don't wanna beat**

 **You pray more than you breathe**

 **And you just wanna fall to pieces**

 **And nights of 2A.M. calls**

 **Where dreams become walls**

 **And you just need a break**

 **Break on me**

 **Shatter like glass**

 **Come apart in my hands**

 **Take as long as it takes, girl**

 **Break on me**

 **Put your head on my chest**

 **Let me help you forget**

 **When your heart needs to break**

 **Break on me**

Beca would've given anything to not be sobbing in the shower as Chloe finished the song, but she couldn't hold it in. After how distant she'd been towards Chloe. With everything that was going on... this was the song she chose. She'd never been more sure of the fact that Chloe deserved better.


	3. Your Mess is Mine

A/N: Super sorry for the delay on this one. I wrote then rewrote and rewrote it. I'm still not entirely happy with it, but I'm just gonna toss caution to the wind and go back and fix things if needed. It's 5am and I havent slept. I'm a little loopy my proof reading was probably hellishly unproductive. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I'd be lying if I didn't say it hits close to home.

btw. I will be changing the title soon, just havent landed on one yet.

PLEASE REVIEW:)

Disclaimer: I own nothing 'cept the plot.

Mess is Mine by Vance Joy

* * *

The smell of bacon cooking was the first thing to greet Beca when she woke up. That and air cold enough to make her jaw clench. She had to pee, but she was sure that she would turn into a human popsicle if she moved from under the covers. _What kind of person keeps their house this cold. Jesus Christ._

She heard the door open and stiffened. Was she ready to deal with people yet? She was glad she was facing the wall. It'd be much easier to not respond.

"Hey, Becs. Are you up?" Chloe spoke softly.

Beca unwillingly responded with a grunt.

"There's breakfast downstairs when you're ready. Biscuits and gravy, bacon, eggs, and pancakes." Chloe was _way_ too cheery for the time.

Beca planned on forcing herself to go back to sleep but her stomach let out a loud growl. She could hear Chloe stifling a laugh. "I guess, I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Apparently, I'm about to die of starvation." She couldn't help but feel betrayed by her own body. "I don't know. I'm nervous. I don't know any of these people. I feel like everyone will be judging me." She tried to breathe deeply to calm her nerves.

"Oh, no. Not at all. No one is going to judge you." Chloe sat behind her on the bed. Beca couldn't help the way she relaxed as the girl began to play with her hair.

"They've all heard a lot about you, but it's all been good. I mean, yes they know about yesterday. But, everyone here is very understanding. No one will judge you or make you feel that way, I promise. And if you feel uncomfortable, just let me know. I'll fix it."

Beca could hear the hope in her voice. And she knew she would have to get up eventually. It's not like she could stay in the bed the whole time. She would fucking freeze to death.

"I mean, okay. I'll get up. Just... why is it so cold in here?" Her teeth chattered as she finished her sentence.

"Oh, shit." Chloe cursed. "I meant to turn that off. Sorry." They were both saddened by the loss of contact. Beca kept her eyes on her as she walked around to her side of the bed and turned off the window unit. "I sleep much better if it's cold."

"It's fine. But you should probably save up money for my prosthetics when my legs turn solid and shatter." Her voice was harsher than intended and Chloe picked up on it immediately.

"I'm here for you, you know. Everything will be okay. If you start feeling anything negative, just...cross your fingers. I'll get you out of whatever conversation or situation you're trapped in." Chloe kneeled so she was eye to eye with her. "I'll take care of you. Always."

She couldn't help the question that forced it's way out. "What if you're the negative? What if you're the reason I feel trapped?"

The response was immediate to a degree that made Beca wonder how good of a person Chloe actually was. I mean, there is such a thing as _too_ understanding, right? "Then you cross your fingers. And I'll leave you alone or whatever it is you need." Even in the darkened room, the ginger's eyes shone brilliantly.

"You're too kind. I don't know how you do it."

"You'll see." Chloe stood. "When you get up and meet the people who raised me." She smiled.

Beca knew she needed to make a good impression. If not for her own sake, for Chloe's. It was obviously very important to her. She was also curious about the girl's family. Beca was just so nervous; parents always hated her. She groaned one more time before quickly throwing herself out of bed.

She realized she'd made a mistake as soon as her vision started to blur. She reached out to Chloe as the other girl grabbed her around the waist.

"You shouldn't stand up so fast. Give your body time to acclimate. I'm sure it'll be having a rougher time reorienting itself for a while." She smiled and leaned her head on the redheads shoulder. She breathed in the smell of coffee and cigarettes.

"Wait. You smoke?" Beca asked.

Chloe laughed knowingly. "No. No. My papaw does though. I've been sitting outside with him all morning."

"All morning? What time is it?" She looked around the room to get an idea but there were blackout curtains over every window.

"It's 11 o'clock. I've been up since 6."

Beca's jaw dropped momentarily before she could formulate a response. "I really.. don't understand you. You ran a fucking marathon. Then you drove six hours. Then you got up after just five hours of sleep. And you're still like this big flawless breath of fresh gorgeous air."

Chloe's cheeks were on fire. Molten lava was her new skin tone. She cleared her throat before she spoke. "I just don't need that much sleep lately. I think it's all the adrenaline. I'm fine though. Let's go eat."

Once Beca had gotten dressed she made her way across the loft to the set of stairs. She couldn't help but be amazed at the house. It was all natural wood and the detail blew her away. There was a bed in the loft, and what she presumed to be a bedroom next to the upstairs bathroom. And, of course, Chloe's room which was on the far side of the loft.

"My father built this house." Beca jumped at the voice and gripped the handrail. It was Chloe's mother at the base of the staircase.

"You can call me Miss Jean." She sounded nice enough, but something about the woman put her slightly on edge. Beca noted her confident and strong demeanor. She already knew to stay clear of the woman's bad side.

Beca cleared her throat before speaking. "G-Good morning Miss Jean."

"Mom. Don't scare her, please." Chloe spoke.

"Sorry, Love. You know it comes natural. And I get it honest." Miss Jean gave them both a cheeky smile before heading into the kitchen. "Come and get it 'fore it gets cold, y'all."

Beca didn't realize how hard she'd been gripping the rail until she felt Chloe's thumb softly stroke the top of her wrist. "Deep breaths. I'm right here. I know you're anxious; it's normal. Let's just eat. If you want to come back upstairs afterwards, we can."

She nodded, "Okay. Just... I'm worried I'm going to embarrass myself." She tried to laugh off her nervousness. "Whoo. Lets do this."

Beca couldn't help but smile at the hand that rested at the small of her back.

Chloe couldn't help but feel proud of Beca. Her first day clean, she'd barely been able to open her eyes, let alone face people she'd never met while in the throes of withdrawal. Hopefully this was a sign that Beca hadn't been using very long.

They walked over to the stove and Chloe made them both plates. "Do you want to eat outside or inside?"

"I mean, outside?" Beca couldn't help but feel confused. _Why would I want to eat outside?_

"We have a big picnic table on the back deck. Most people eat outside here when the weather is nice enough." She motioned to a door near the fridge and Beca noticed a two people outside sitting in chairs, but the picnic table was left empty.

The thought of suddenly being around strangers had her skin crawling, but she could feel how badly Chloe wanted to sit outside with her family. She wiped away the tear that made its way to the corner of her eye. "Can you sit next to me though? I'm um... I'm a little scared." She kept her head down.

Beca couldn't help but notice how dirty the floor was. There was dog hair and crumbs and chips in the tile. She began looking around and realized that the house was very lived in. She could tell that many people frequented the house as there were shoes and random clothing items littering the dining room table and a small table that was in the kitchen. She let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

"Please don't say anything about the mess. I mean, not that I think you would be rude. It's just that my grandmother is really-" Beca cut Chloe off as soon as she realized the impression she'd given as she looked around the house.

"NO! No...No. Not at all. It's just... I'm so used to everything being so perfect. A place for everything, and everything in it's place." She looked around again then looked the other girl in the eyes. "I can practically feel the love in this house."

Chloe beamed. "I'm glad you're here."

Beca's face flushed. "Me too, Chlo. Now. Lets go meet the fam before I lose my nerve."

Chloe stepped out first but allowed Beca to sit down first so that she would be as comfortable as possible.

"You gonna introduce yourself or just pretend you've been here the whole time?" The laughing voice came from Chloe's grandfather, Bob. He was in a crew neck t-shirt with a pocket that held cigarettes and a worn pair of jeans. His skin was weathered and bronzed. Beca couldn't help but wonder how old he was. She could tell he looked old for his age. He gave a rather clear impression that he'd worked outside all his life.

"Oh, sorry." Beca struggled for a moment. "I'm Beca." She glanced around and softly waved at him and the other woman that occupied the space.

"Well, it's certainly wonderful to meet you, Beca. I'm Bob, Chloe's grandfather. And this here beautiful creature..." He smiled and pulled the woma's chair closer to himself. "is my wonderful wife, Lynette."

The love that the two poured into their shared look made Beca melt. She'd never seen anyone in her family share a look like that. Or share anything really.

"It's nice to meet you both."

"It's nice to meet you as well, Beca" Lynette spoke.

An awkward silence followed, but luckily it was interrupted by Chloe's mother stepping onto the porch. "Alright, Dad!" She beamed at the man, and Beca instantly saw just how much Chloe looked like her mother. "It's time to go. I have the portable oxygen in the car, so we're good for the ride downtown. You ready?"

"Well, hell yeah. Let's go." As Jean, Lynette, and Bob gathered themselves and headed towards the car, Beca couldn't help but feel relieved. She could feel herself growing antsy and was afraid of making a bad impression.

Chloe walked to the car and gave them all hugs before returning to the back porch with Beca.

"So, my grandmother thinks you're gorgeous. And "has a good feeling about you." Chloe chuckled. "My family is very superstitious and instinct driven. You'll have to get used to that, I'm sure. Most people don't really get it at first. They think it's weird..." Chloe continued rambling but Beca couldn't focus on her words. Her heart was racing and she felt like she was on fire.

Beca reached out and grabbed Chloe's arm forcefully.

"Ow...Beca, what's wrong? What's going on?" Beca's breathing was labored and when she turned to face her, Chloe's heart dropped at the look of sheer terror on the girl's face

"Beca, what's going on? You have to talk to me. What is it? I can't help if I don't know what's going on." Chloe used her free hand to rub the back of the hand that was still squeezing her forearm.

"MMM." Beca hummed loudly before unclenching her jaw. "I'm scarrrrred. Fuuuuck. What the fuck is happening to me?!" Beca jumped up from her seat and started pacing up and down the porch.

"God. I feel so fucking hot!" Chloe finally sprung to her feet and grabbed Beca by her shoulders to still her.

"Beca, I need you to breathe." She looked into the brunettes eyes as she spoke.

Beca's eyes bulged and she yanked away. "I can't fucking breathe, Chloe! Oh my god. What the fuck is this? Why does my chest hurt so bad?"

Chloe calmly walked up behind the frightened girl and wrapped her arms tightly around her, holding her arms down in the process. "I know you're scared, sweetheart. I know. But you trust me don't you?" She spoke softly into the girls left ear. She could feel her calm somewhat, but the sound of her crying bore through her soul. As soon as she felt her nod she reached down and entwined their fingers.

"You're going to be okay. I promise." She kissed the top of Beca's shoulder. "Do you remember when we first met? I was handing out flyers in the quad. I can even remember the way you had your hair pulled back and how many earrings you had in." She laughed lightly at her own insanity. "I never told you this, but I knew as soon as I first met you. I just knew."

Beca sniffled lightly. "Knew what?"

"That you would become a part of my life." She lightly squeezed the girl that still stood in her embrace.

After a few minutes Beca spoke, "How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Just... calm me down like that. I haven't had a panic attack like that since I was like 16. I fucking forgot what they feel like. And you just... knew what to do." She leaned back into Chloe.

"I know what it's like. I've had really bad panic attacks for as long as I can remember. I just did what I would want someone to do for me."

Beca immediately turned around. "How have I not noticed?"

"I'm just really good at hiding it to be honest. It embarrasses me when it happens it public, and well, I would just hate for you to worry about me. I don't know. I don't want you to see me that way." Chloe tried to look away but Beca guided her eyes back to her own.

"You don't always have to be the one taking care of everyone else, you know? It's okay to need someone. It's okay to need help."

Chloe shook her head while resisting the urge to point out the irony of the statement. "Needing help makes me uncomfortable. I don't like it at all. I feel like a fucking leech."

Beca couldn't believe what she was hearing. What could possibly make Chloe think that way?

Chloe cut her off as she went to speak. "I can't talk about this right now. I really can't stomach it today, okay? I'm sorry."

The redhead began busying herself with picking up dishes left behind on the porch. "You should finish your breakfast, Beca. You shouldn't let yourself get too hungry." Her next statement was so matter-of-fact that Beca actually sat down to finish her food. "The cravings get so much worse when you're hungry."

Chloe continued with cleaning up the porch and propped open the double doors leading into the kitchen. She couldn't bear the thought of losing sight of her, but the thought of being in the same room as Beca made her feel sick.

For the first time since she met Beca, she was uncomfortable being around the girl. She felt vulnerable. She felt small. She felt exposed. She was usually so good at keeping things to herself and keeping her mouth in check. She knew that it was probably a bit hypocritical, but she didn't want Beca to know about her past. She couldn't seem to get far enough away from those days. Something always brought it back up, and it made her skin crawl every time. She knew Beca would eventually pick up on the comment, and she was dreading the conversation that would follow.

The subtle implication of the statement shook Beca. She started going through every memory she had of the girl trying to find evidence to support it. Surely, she would have noticed. She had enough experience being around addicts, recovered and otherwise, that she should've noticed. It should've been obvious.

She quickly finished the rest of her food and met Chloe at the sink where she was doing dishes. She could tell by the way Chloe immediately took on a defensive demeanor that the girl was preparing for Beca to confront her. But not only did Beca not have the energy for another emotional anything today, she knew that Chloe knew she figured it out. And if she was the Chloe she thought she was, she would talk when she was ready.

Chloe was nothing short of surprised when Beca walked to the dish drainer and grabbed a dry dish towel.

Beca smiled softly and bumped hips with the other girl. "If you tell me where they go, I'll dry them and put them away."

Chloe sighed and willed away the wetness that sprung to her eyes. "Thank you."

"Hey, that's what friends are for right?" Beca winked.

They both knew they weren't talking about the dishes.

Chloe couldn't help but let herself fall a little bit harder.

After the dishes were done and put away, Beca decided to voice a question that had been weighing on her mind but was simply too hard to ask. "So, um... Not that it's really my business, but what exactly is wrong with your papaw? Like, why the portable oxygen?"

Chloe closed her eyes and willed herself to be as still as possible. She hated this question. She'd answered it so many times that she was simply sick of repeating herself. But, she knew that wasn't Beca's fault. She just wished she'd told Beca sooner. She had a feeling the girl would be upset about not being told.

"You don't have to say anything right now if you don't want. Or, at all. I was just wondering." Beca couldn't help but to break the silence after spending more than two minutes staring at Chloe's silent, still form.

Chloe finally opened her eyes and sighed. "You're probably going to be upset that I didn't tell you sooner. But honestly, I just didn't want that to be part of our thing. This touches everything else. Every real relationship and friendship I have." Chloe started running her fingers through her hair as she slowly paced the kitchen. "This will be easier if I sit down."

Beca followed Chloe to the back porch. They sat on opposite sides of the picnic table. Beca waited patiently for Chloe to speak.

Chloe took a deep breath. "It all started two summers ago. It was the fourth of July. I wasn't living here then. I just came over to see everyone while my ex did her thing with her family. My papaw kept mentioning that he had been dropping things a lot that day and that he just felt weird in general. I should've known he'd had a stroke. I know the symptoms. My mom is a nurse and she practically drilled them into my head." She cleared her throat and tapped her nails on the table.

"But, anyways. A few days later, my mom calls me and tells me that he eventually went to the hospital that day and he'd had a stroke. He was relatively fine and was regaining motor function quickly. But, he hadn't been to a doctor in almost ten years. They did all kinds of bloodwork and x-rays and they found a mass in his lung. It was located between two lobes so, it was automatically inoperable."

Beca's chest burned at the look in Chloe's eyes. She could see how hard she was trying to hold herself together.

"They gave him six months to live. That was two years ago." Chloe's bottom lip began to tremble and Beca couldn't stop herself from moving to sit by her. She straddled the bench so that she could wrap her arms around the other girl. "When I went back to school after Christmas, he'd been doing okay. A little tired and he was coughing more, but he was okay. It didn't feel... imminent."

Chloe finally let the tears fall freely. The pain was too much for her to push back.

"Apparently things have gotten really bad. He fell last week. And he's been getting really angry."

She began crying harder and had to fight to get her words out. "The appointment he had today is about them starting hospice." She leaned into Beca as she cried for her grandfather for the first time.

"He's gonna be gone soon, and I don't know what to do."

* * *

Later that night, Beca and Chloe sat on the couch in Chloe's room. Neither one of them knew what to say at this point. Once Jean, Lynette, and Bob returned, the two women sat Chloe and Beca down and explained that hospice would be coming by later that night to set up a bed in the living room.

Beca was surprised how well Chloe held it together in front of her family. She held her mom and her grandmother and told them how much she loved them. And eventually, the three women embraced each other as they bowed their heads and prayed.

Beca wondered how many sides Chloe had that she was keeping hidden.

It had been such an emotional day, and they were both separately coming to terms with the fact that they didn't know much about each other.

It was obvious to Beca that Chloe's past was a sensitive spot, but she wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything about her. She couldn't help but feel somewhat deceived. The feeling made her realize how hypocritical she was. She had an entire relationship and active addiction that she kept hidden from Chloe. A relationship that Chloe still didn't know about.

Chloe, on the other hand, felt extremely vulnerable. Things she'd kept inside and completely hidden from her life at Barden were working their way to the surface around someone who was her favorite part of that aspect of her life. She knew that her feelings for Beca and her sense of comfort around her family was making it hard to separate things.

Chloe felt selfish for putting so much on Beca on her first day clean. The day had just been so much. She was worried she would push Beca away. She'd always made it pretty obvious that she had feelings for the other girl and they were never acknowledged. She took what she could get; a hug here, a cuddle there.

They were both brought from their thoughts at the sound of a car door shutting.

"It's hospice." Chloe spoke.

"How do you know?" Beca asked.

"I can practically feel it."

Beca frowned and took the redhead's hand in her's. "Come on. I'm getting tired and I know you need rest. Let's go to bed."

Chloe let go of her hand and stood before walking over to the window unit. She turned it on and flashed Beca a fake apologetic look. "Sorry. But, you're just gonna have to get used to it."

Beca rolled her eyes into another dimension.

They both crawled into bed and gravitated towards each other. Chloe was the big spoon.

"I love it when you hold me." The tone of Beca's voice was laced with an unfamiliar intimacy that caused Chloe's heart to race. She pulled the girl in closer and kissed her shoulder.

"You're gonna be the death of me. You know that, right?"

"We'll die together then."


End file.
